Starting from May 17, 2007 till this morning at precisely 8:58 am, I have won the following amounts of money:

17/5/07: GBP 500,000
18/5/07: 187,500 (currency not sure)
18/5/07: GBP 800,000
18/5/07: USD 1,500,000 (about GBP 750,000)
18/5/07: GBP 250,000
20/5/07: GBP 500,000
31/5/07: GBP 1,000,000

The grand total is an astounding GBP 3,800,000 (or 38 lakh pounds). Once I am certain of the currency of the second winning on the list, I shall add that as well. But how did I achieve this magnificent, life-altering feat? What did I do to deserve all this money? Apparently, nothing and nothing. Let me elaborate…

It was back in 2003 when I opened (or rather, was invited to open) my Gmail account. And that is all it took. Up until now, I have not taken serious note of all these winnings, but no longer shall I live a pauper’s life. My friends from all over the world have assured me the above sums of money of their own free will.

And it is an impressive list, too:
17/5/07: GBP 500,000 [Yahoo Financial Promotions. Funny they never mentioned this when I was working there]
18/5/07: 187,500 (currency not sure) [COCA-COLA COMPANY PROMOTION]
18/5/07: GBP 800,000 [UK National Lottery]
18/5/07: USD 1,500,000 (about GBP 750,000) [British Tobacco Company, UK]
18/5/07: GBP 250,000 [UK National Lottery; would you believe it, twice on the same day!]
20/5/07: GBP 500,000 [Euro-Afro-Asian Sweepstake of Microsoft Windows Live]
31/5/07: GBP 1,000,000 [Lottery Board; who cares which one]

The single largest prize of these, the 1.5 mil USD was communicated to me by none other than the Baroness Karen Peterson herself. Why would she lie? She is, after all, a Baroness. Here is what she wrote:

This is to inform you that you have been selected for a cash prize of $1,500,000.00 ( One Million Five Hundred Thousand United States Dollars)in the International programs held on the second quarter of 2007 in London. The selection process was carried out through random selection in our computerized email selection system(s) from a database of over 250,000 E-mail addresses drawn from all the continents of the world.The British Tobacco Lottery is approved by the British Gaming Board and also Licensed by The International Association of Gaming Regulators (IAGR). To begin the processing of your prize you are to contact our executive claims officer through the contact stated below with your personal informations for verification purpose:Mr. ALBERT GREGORY. Fiduciary Agent/Payment Officer. 20 Lausanne Road London, SW2 3JB ENGLAND.U.K

So friends, as I proceed to spend and enjoy my hardly-earned spoils, you are free to join me in my revelry. Should you need any of my money, bugger off. I am not going to share. And should any of you ever decide to ignore these riches that are bestowed upon you from time to time by my friends, may you have a thousand years of bad luck. Poof.

I know all of you would not wish me ill and despite the better advice of my friend the Baroness, I share my secrets of winning with you…

Winners are advised to keep their winning details/informations safe from the public to avoid fraudulent claims. *Winners under the age of 18 are automatically disqualified.*Staff of the British Tobacco Company are not allowed to partake in this Lottery.

Anyone who writes ‘partake’ in an email has to be genuine, right? 3.8 million pounds… that’s like Rs 20 crore. My life is now complete.

If any of you doubt my winnings, let me know and I shall forward you the official sounding spam (oops!) mails from these esteemed individuals and corporations.

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