And he’s back

Sigh. Just when we thought the city was safe from the menace called Suresh Kalmadi, he’s free to prowl Pune again. What can you say? It had to happen. In a country with such lax anti-corruption laws, people like him were bound to be set free to continue their plunder.

And with civic elections around the corner in Pune, he will once again have a shot at power. Most distressing.

Surely, he must have been plotting for the elections sitting in Tihar. The only positive would be that he won’t have much chance to do publicity given that the code of conduct is now in force. Of course, he, like Ajit Pawar is above the law so let’s not rule it out totally! Never mind how upset some people may be!

Sadness looms…

Fighting FOR Kapil Sibal

Dear Mr Sibal,

Further to my previous post lauding your efforts, I now present proof to the naysayers about why you are right. It is absolutely essential we clamp down on these social networks that are increasingly getting to be a nuisance.

What right does any citizen have to clean up their city? Have they spoken to Mr Sibal for his approval yet? It is ridiculous to think that the Almighty, Mr Sibal, would not be notified of such deeds:

The Ugly Indians seem to be Bangalore’s answer to the Anna movement. But rather than pointing out all that is wrong with the system, the low-key group members are going about, simply showing how things can be righted. There is no finger-pointing, period. Instead of cribbing about the filth and blaming the lower-rung civil staff, the Ugly Indian has been busy “Spotfixing” in Bangalore. Self-funded volunteers who aggregate through the group’s website, email and Facebook page, descend on a particularly neglected (read, filthy) corner of the city where they each proceed to plough in and mend the spot.

And then, of course, there are people like @thecomicproject to whom nothing is sacred. It’s sacrilegious to even think of doing such things as below. This fellow, sir, Mr Sibal, deserves your wrath. A legal notice should suffice for now, though. (If you notice, sir, this comic fellow has a page on Facebook with over 1,200 followers. Imagine the havoc they could wreak after such provocation. Tsk.)

There is plenty of other rubbish being said about your Legalness on the Internet. Please know that I, your most humble servant, is bringing all this to you. I insist that you punish these lost souls through so many legal cases in obscure jurisdictions that they won’t even have Internet access to crib. That’ll show them. Heh!

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Dear Kapil Sibal

I believe you would like to gag us on social networks. And I have no intention of criticizing you or getting on your bad side. After all, you are the almighty in power. Messing with you would only bring me grief. And who wants that, now? Eh?

So before I did anything stupid, I thought I’d check with you if I’m allowed to:

• Comment on the government’s recent FDI plans. I think the government as a whole could be personified and therefore my comments about FDI could, by transitivity, be implied to be about an individual and get me into trouble. In you all-knowing legalese, please advise.
• Comment on you recent stand about the proposed restrictions on social networks. After all, anything I say/write could be implied to be a direct comment on your almightiness. And I don’t, under any circumstances, want to incur your wrath, O Lordship.
• Comment on cinema, media, advertising, etc. Although I work in the field of communication, I am no longer sure what would be deemed appropriate by your Big Brotherness and would not, like before, want to incur your wrath and force you to further clamp down post my insignificant rants.
• Question Inquire with you about your thoughts for the protection of the individual on social media or through the media in general that is compelling you to gag the world so. Of course, I agree with your thoughts at all times for you are, of course, THE greatest legal mind in the country and have never uttered a word against anyone or ever been slanderous. Of course, being slanderous or libellous is not an option for a common man like myself for I do not possess your all-knowing legalese to defend myself. (Nor the money, but that’s besides the point here).

I request you to kindly enlighten me on the above. After all, I do see this as the future way we can publish our thoughts on public fora. You will need to approve all our thoughts.

I did have another point to laud your efforts, but please do not hesitate to chide me on my childishness if that is what the query seems like… Being in the public eye, the politician is subjected to criticism or ridicule across most democracies. They take it on the chin and the public feels like they have had their say. Of course, these democracies are run by Western idiots with no morals and whose public don’t need any saving. Thankfully we have you. After the scores of local moral police who have saved the country over the last few years, you sir, are a godsend to deliver us from the wallowing pit that is the social network. I must thank my luck to be alive in such free and revolutionary times.

May God (i.e., you) save India. Good luck, sir.

Everybody’s whore. No one’s wife.

As she lay ravaged yet again, it was only natural that she felt cheated. Yet again. Where were the village elders who had promised her protection? Where were her sentries who had vowed never to let it happen again? Most of all, though, she worried for her children. Were they okay? How much had they suffered? She knew they would overcome this too. For they had before.

Despite her state, there was a strange sense of pride in her about her situation. She had been through this previously – no less than thrice. And each time she had known herself to be strong enough to get up and get a move on. This time would be no different, she told herself. But the one question that kept haunting her refused to die down. “Why me?”

It had already been an hour and there was a fair bit of activity around her. The sentries were running around hoping to get a hold of the offenders. The elders were in discussion yet again. And the village Heralds had awoken to their latest prey like vultures circling a carcass. She didn’t care about any of this any more.

As her pride subsided and the pain of the moment took over, she returned to her haunting question. What hadn’t she done for her children? Somewhere in her heart, she knew that one of her children was responsible for her present situation. And yet, she couldn’t bring herself to blame him. “He must be misled,” she thought.

But even if he was misled, she wondered how he had brought himself to do the deed. Didn’t he care for her even a bit? Was there no affection at all? After all, she had given him everything he had. And would continue to do so. Or had she offended him in some way? But how? She only knew how to give. Her children fought amongst themselves, but she ensured they all had the same opportunity at life. Hadn’t she loved them all equally?

Yes, there were occasions when she had to be strict with one of her children. But which mother doesn’t? It was for their own good. Yes, there were times when she had to be unfair to them. But that was to teach them the ways of life. Surely they didn’t hold that against her…

She will forgive them, she decided. “But what is to become of these fatherless children? Who will take their responsibility,” she wondered. She knew she was going to be around for a long time yet, but each of these indiscretions and offences would take its toll. Until she was no more. “Who will be the father to these children,” she thought again.

“And who will love me now?” This was a question she had no answer to. The village performers – like the heralds and the elders and sentries – always spoke highly of her. She was their muse, their ruse, their inspiration, their desperation. Their friend, their guide, their wife. Or was she?

With every indiscretion against her, she had started questioning the love of her children. And now, her own lovers were no longer enough to protect her. “Am I anyone’s wife?” She was now sure that she wasn’t loved by any. Everyone needed her, but no one loved her. Yes, that she was sure of now.

Her latest realisation threw up another uneasy thought. That she was indeed nobody’s wife. But everyone wanted her. And used her. She was a whore. Everyone’s.

As she lay nursing her wounds – alone again – there was almost a simultaneous realisation among her children. Wherever they were. That indeed they did love her. And that they couldn’t bear to see her suffer so over and over. Wasn’t there something they could do? What can they do?

Whether or not they could do something, they had to find a way to show her that they loved her. They had to let her know.

Just say the words, “We love you Mumbai, we do.”

Google eats Kashmir!

So Google Analytics has decided that Kashmir isn’t part of India. Dunno why. But when I recently logged in to the site, here’s the map I saw:

Have absolutely no clue why Kashmir isn’t included in this map.

Any theories or concrete knowledge?

Pune Warriors takes shape

The second weekend of the New Year will be remembered by Pune’s cricket fans. This is the day when the city got its first set of players for the IPL team. The mix is an interesting one:

• Yuvraj Singh ($1.8m)
• Graeme Smith ($500,000)
• Robin Uthappa ($2.1m)
• Tim Paine ($270,000)
• Angelo Mathews ($950,000)
• Ashish Nehra ($850,000)
• Nathan McCullum ($100,000)
• Callum Fergusson ($300,000)

See complete list of auction here.

The collection is a good one and offers the team great variety. Of course, there’s more players needed before the whole team takes shape, but this core looks good. With only 4 foreign players allowed to play each match, it’s almost certain that Graeme Smith, Nathan McCullum, Angelo Mathews, Fergusson or Paine will take the field. The possibility of Paine playing is higher given he keeps wickets while Mathews, McCullum and Fergusson would be rotated.

The team spent a total of $6.87m with another $2.13m available for Sunday’s auction. The team’s balance is tilted to the batting right now and the focus will be on bowlers on Sunday. But the start is a good one. It’s possible that the team management would be looking at Yuvraj for the captaincy, but with Smith in the team, it’s a better idea to have him captain the side. He’s experienced and used to the role.

Sublimely ridiculous

Pune Traffic is ridiculous. Pune Traffic Police do precious little do improve it. Perhaps they are understaffed. Perhaps they are under-motivated. Whatever the case, the traffic sucks. And now this.

The traffic police will be imposing fines for not wearing helmets. Ok, good. But here’s the kicker:

But the fines would be imposed only if the two-wheeler riders violate traffic rules like jumping signals or lane cutting. For example, if a two-wheeler rider without a helmet jumps a traffic signal, the police would penalise him for jumping the signal and for not wearing a helmet.

Say what? Does that also mean there won’t be a fine if I jump a signal with a helmet?

Only in Pune, I say!

Pune is a dry city now

It had to happen sooner or later. The amount of water Punekars waste was soon going to come back and leave them high and dry. And with no rains for over a month now, the time has come. Starting tomorrow, Pune will receive water supply only once in two days. Which will mean everyone is storing enough water to fill up swimming pools!

Jokes apart, though, it is always painful to see the city use water in a callous manner. We often see tankers on the roads transporting water while they spill most of it en route. Every area and locality will have their share of water wasters. This current shortage cannot be attributed solely to the administration. It is of our own doing as well.

It helps to realize that the authorities are as helpless about lack of rain as the common man is. It is pointless going to the met department as asking why their predictions went wrong. Using water based on weather forecasts is like spending money assuming you’ll earn it. If the predictions are wrong, you’re in a world of trouble! And that’s just what has happened. While the blame is currently being laid squarely on the powers that (are supposed to) run the city, citizens would do well to introspect and still mend their ways. This is not the first water shortage this decade either. It seems we refuse to learn.

For the part of the administration, one wonders why we make provisions for water only till July 15 every year. Is it assumed that there sill be enough rain every year by then to take care of the next year? For the last three years, Pune has ‘almost’ been in this situation. Yet we didn’t learn. And this year, the situation has come pass. So what now? It may still rain enough in the next two months to make up for the lack of water and give us enough water. Till next July 15. And then what?

As a city, Pune needs better facilities and infrastructure. That doesn’t merely confine itself to roads and power and bus stops and non-functional BRTS plans. Water must be part of that. And the authorities and citizens need to start planning for this today. Not after this crisis is past us.

Till then, I wonder how the city will survive on one bath every alternate day. That stinks!

INR gets a symbol.

The Indian Rupee has a symbol. Unlike many other things that have changed name in India in the past two decades, this seems like a move forward. One would have thought that the powers that be might have toyed with the idea of changing the currency’s name given our penchant for change (sic).

Thankfully, however, the symbol is all that has been added. Why?

The growing influence of the Indian economy in the global space is said to have prompted this move that will result in the Indian rupee joining the select club of global currencies like the US dollar, the British Pound, European Euro and Japanese Yen that have unique symbols.

So says NDTV anyways.

It seems like a good idea to have a symbol, but the chosen symbol may take some getting used to. It’s a Devnagari “R” with a strikethrough-like line running through it. Not too dissimilar to the Yen’s lines. At first sight, it looks nice. But then one wonders if the winning choice (yes, it was a contest) was to make it easier to fit in. Every major symbol (dollar, euro, yen, pound) has a line running through it. While the dollar has an interesting history, the Euro was devised when EU came out with one uniform currency.

From Wikipedia:

The origin of the “$” sign has been variously accounted for. Perhaps the most widely accepted explanation is that it is the result of the evolution of the Spanish and Mexican scribal abbreviation “p^s” for pesos. This theory, derived from a study of late eighteenth- and early nineteenth-century manuscripts, explains that the s gradually came to be written over the p developing a close equivalent to the “$” mark.”

What legacy is the Rupee sign going to have?Moreover, how soon will it be accepted across India and the world? I tried writing it and boy, will be see variations!

Food, Pune and the Irani restaurant.

On the menu card at Good Luck, Pune: Tawa Kheema and Kheema in eggs.

In the “Kheema in Eggs” one, is there more Kheema or more eggs? The waiter at the restaurant answered, “One way or another, it’s the same thing!”

So there.

We ordered. Was great.

Also seen at the restaurant, a signboard declaring:

Don’t sit here without any work.

Do not comb or brush your hair. It may fly into other people’s food.

Both the instructions were on the same paper stuck between papers announcing Malai Kulfi for Rs 18 and other desserts on the menu (namely Caramel Custard, Caramel Pudding, Bread Pudding and Fruit Funny). We don’t think there’s any connection between the two instruction, but there could be. See, someone sitting without work is more liable to comb and/or brush hair thereby sending it into other people’s food. These old-time restaurants have it all figured out, I say.

Jus sayin’!

Speaking of desserts, we also asked the waiter the difference between Caramel Custard and Caramel Pudding.

He said, “Custard is made with powder and pudding with eggs.” He then proceeded to point at a neighbouring table where he had just delivered the goods.

We said, “…”

“Well?”, said he.

“Ok bring us the pudding,” said we!

Much joy came with the pudding – caramel and bread!