The indicator has two meanings…

Pune’s roads are notoriously unsafe. And free-willed at the same time. They run on the will of the drivers. Who run about freely without any regard for safety or rules. Ergo, free-willed.

So last weekend, I had a minor run-in (of the verbal sorts) with one such free-willed driver. While planning, attempting and then being halfway through the U-turn, the following ensued:

As I flicked on the indicator and initiated the right turn, I realized that I wasn’t going to make the turn unless I started a tad wider. So I made the minor adjustment and then proceeded to turn. In the meantime, an enterprising driver decided he should go ahead from my right (while I turned). Upon suddenly finding my car blocking his way, he became angry. Rightfully so. Who would want their progress stalled suddenly by a car across the road. He proceeded to reprimand me for my callous ways…

Driver: Kidhar jaata hai?

Me: Right ko.

Driver: Haath to dikhao…

Me: Indicator on hai…

Driver: Indicator on hai to kahi bhi turn lega?

Me: Right ka indicator hai, right turn hai, main right turn le raha hoo… problem kya hai?

Driver: Gaali kyon diya?

Me: …

Driver: Kidhar bhi turn karega kya?

Me: …

Driver: Right turn lena hai to haath dikhao.

Me: Indicator chalu hai boss.

Driver: Indicator ke do matlab hote hai. Yaa to tum right le rahe ho, ya mujhe aage jane ko bol rahe ho. Tum mujhe aage jaane bol rahe the…

Me: … … …

Driver: Vroom

Me: … !!!???

This is a real life story. No fiction. Really.

10 years of erections and frustration!

10 years ago, Pfizer launched Viagra. The answer to many a man’s woes. It also became the stuff of spammers’ wet dreams. One can well imagine a spammer getting up in the middle of the night all excited and sending out viagra mail. Such was the effect even the name had on humanity.

And this video created to celebrate 10 years of erection (sic!) of viagra is very well done.

It perhaps also alludes to the fact that there was a time when spam was falling down. Losing it’s strength. And then came viagra. And spam once again rose from the depths of ignominy and reached dizzying heights of success ejaculating at the rate of millions per day.

Prost!

Video via David Airey.

Punjabi School Assembly

Completely WTF!

Via Facebook.

Saving Pune’s traffic. Maybe.

Yes, it’s one of my pet peeves. And I can’t be like some who find Zen in it. No disrespect… just that, I’m too hotheaded!

But there is hope yet. Some solutions can go a long way in “curbing the overenthusiasm” on Pune’s roads. Suggestions:

1. Place spikes (big enough to puncture bus tyres too) at the STOP line that come up when the light turns yellow and go down only when it turns green. This will not only control speed, but also stop that irritating habit some have of standing across the line or zooming through before the traffic light has turned green. Or worse, after it’s turned red!
2. Create separate routes for buses and trucks. Ideally, don’t allow trucks into the city from 8am to 10pm. That’ll ease the roads.
3. Allow citizen policing. That is, if I see someone breaking the law, I can report them. Or beat them up. Maybe just report them!
4. Refuse taxi licenses. Outright. Bas.
5. Give drivers authority to run someone over (pedestrian or driver) if they are breaking the law. Serious. Else, we’ll only amplify this state of chaos we call traffic.
6. Build better and bigger roads. I know, I’m clutching to straws here, but hey, I can wish right? Thoda aur wish karo!

Sure, none of the above is going to happen. And I may just have to heed to Alok’s advise about finding Zen in Pune traffic. The trouble here, though, is that if I smirk or giggle at someone, that’s good enough to start a fight! So I have to just stare at them. It’s a never-ending game of “who blinks first”. And normally, the flow of traffic decides the winner!

Commission.

It’s a fee paid for enabling contact or a service. That’s how I understand it. I’m not against it, but at times, can’t understand the value demanded by those who live off it.

Prime examples of commission proving to be a pain in the seat is when house hunting. And I’ve felt this pain many times over the last few years. None more so than in 2007 when I moved into my current rented accommodation in Pune. I’d paid commission in Mumbai and Bangalore previously where the norm was one month’s rent by the tenant and one month’s rent by the landlord (or so I believe… I couldn’t know for sure since I was always the tenant). In any case, I had never paid more than 30 days’ equivalent of rent to a broker/agent.

In Pune, though, landlords are truly lords. They don’t pay commission. The tenant needs to pay for two months’ equivalent. And there is really no scope for negotiation. 45 days? Bah. 50? Get out. 60 days’ minimum. Continue reading »

Professionalism and the job market

See, we’re expanding. So I’m interviewing a lot of people for various positions.

I was to interview someone today at 11.30am. The candidate had applied for a job and after exchanging a few mails, the time was fixed. She turned up half an hour early. Great. But I was out and came in about 20 minutes before the scheduled meeting time. I was told she had come and left. Strange!

So about 45 minutes after the scheduled time, I messaged asking if she was coming in. No reply. Then I called. And she told me that since this is a start-up, she had changed her mind. She wants to work for a bigger company! Wow. Jobs must be easy these days again. Anyways, to each their own. But what baffles the mind is there are ways of turning down a job offer/interview. There are ways to research a company you want to interview with and then apply.

Despite the fact that we are no longer a ‘start-up’ (we do have some clients, you know, like Epson, SOTC, Ad Club, TOI, Yahoo!, AOL etc, but perhaps they aren’t large enough for her) this candidate made her decision based on what our waiting area looks like. She didn’t talk to anyone, didn’t wait to find out the company plans, current profile or anything that someone looking for a career tries to find out. So how will she know we got acquired and are now part of a US outfit? She won’t!

Either I’m out of touch with how job hunting is done these days or the recession is well and truly over and candidates have many many options to choose from. The first may be true, but the second, certainly isn’t. Whose loss? Time will tell. I do have a few more people to meet for that position. So maybe not mine.

Professionalism? Very low indeed. For the record, the candidate is not from Pune, but has just moved here. So don’t say Punekars are unprofessional!

Good luck, candidate. You know who you are!

Class 1 or 4?

This is a forward. But worth reading:

A beautiful Madam was having trouble with one of her students in 1st Grade class. Madam asked,’Boy. what is your problem?’ 

Boy answered, ‘I’m too smart for the first-grade. My sister is in the third-grade and I’m smarter than she is! I think I should be in the 4th Grade!’ 

Madam had enough. She took the Boy to the principal’s office. While the Boy waited in the outer office, madam explained to the principal what the situation was. The principal told Madam he would give the boy a test and if he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the first-grade and behave.She agreed. The Boy was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test. 

Principal: ‘What is 3 x 3?’ 
Boy.: ’9′. 

Principal: ‘What is 6 x 6?’ 
Boy.: ’36′. 

And so it went with every question the principal thought a 4th grade should know. The principal looks at Madam and tells her, ‘I think Boy can go to the 4th grade.’ 

Madam says to the principal, ‘I have some of my own questions. Can I ask him ?’ The principal and Boy both agreed. 

Madam asks, ‘What does a cow have four of that I have only two of’?
Boy, after a moment ‘Legs.’ 

Madam: ‘What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?’
Boy.: ‘Pockets.’ 

Madam: What starts with a C and ends with a T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin whitish liquid?
Boy.: Coconut 

Madam: What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft And sticky?
The principal’s eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer, Boy was taking charge.
Boy.: Bubblegum 

Madam: What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down and a dog does on three legs?
The principal’s eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer… 
Boy.: Shake hands 

Madam: You stick your poles inside me. You tie me down to get  me up. I get wet before you do. 
Boy.: Tent 

Madam: A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you’re bored. The best man always has me first.
The Principal was looking restless, a bit tense and took one large Patiala Vodka peg. 
Boy.: Wedding Ring 

Madam: I come in many sizes. When I’m not well, I drip. When you blow me, you feel good. 
Boy.: Nose 

Madam: I have a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates.. I come with a quiver. 
Boy.: Arrow 

Madam: What word starts with a ‘F’ and ends in ‘K’ that means lot of heat and excitement? 
Boy.: Fire truck 

Madam: What word starts with a ‘F’ and ends in ‘K’ & if u don’t get it, u have to use ur hand. 
Boy.: Fork 

Madam: What is it that all men have one of it’s longer on some men than on others, the pope doesn’t use his and a man gives it to his wife after they’re married? 
Boy.: SURNAME.

Madam: What part of the man has no bone but has muscles, has lots of veins, like pumping, & is responsible for making love ? 
Boy.: HEART. 

The principal breathed a sigh of relief and said to the teacher, ‘Send this Boy to IIM AHMEDABAD, I got the last ten questions wrong myself!’.

You Swine!

That would be the normal retort if we knew which pig to blame for the flu. As cities start to panic and people start to believe anything they hear, the government is starting to make some knee-jerk decisions. Take Pune, for example, where the outbreak seems to be the worst.

As of Tuesday morning, Pune had reported 5 H1N1 deaths of the total 8 in India in addition to over 300 other confirmed cases. While this hasn’t come about overnight, it is a typically lazy response to what now seems like a pandemic.

So what one saw on the streets of Pune this morning was a Sunday-like but only eerie silence. There was a heaviness about and one could really gauge what was being thought. As everyone adorned the “bandit queen” look, the ridiculousness of the entire situation was overwhelming. Despite repeated reports that the masks are to be used for just a day and not all masks are useful, people continue to buy them en masse. A report claims that almost 250,000 were sold across the city on Monday! Good business!

The solutions by the powers that be? One of the first things that the authorities have done is stay away. Pune’s two ‘powerful and influential’ ministers — Suresh Kalmadi (Congress I) and Ajit Pawar (NCP) have been conspicuously absent. Except for Mr Kalmadi’s face on posters welcoming Digvijay Singh to Pune, the city hasn’t heard so much as a peep out of him. And Mr Pawar responded to a newspaper report about his absence by making some nonsensical statement. Ignore, please. Then, remotely, they have administered the shutdown to the city. For those who aren’t aware, all schools, colleges, malls and movie halls are to remain closed for 3-7 days starting Tuesday. When some people were asking for this action about a week ago, there was ridicule that we should not bow down to it. Continue reading »

This lifestyle chooses you, not the other way around

Truer words were ne’er spoken!

TechCrunch once again proves it worthiness!

Being an entrepreneur is also damn hard, for thousands of reasons and then some. I would like to point you to a testimony of that undeniable fact, penned by one of the founders of web startup MakeFive, whose Elevator Pitch video we recently highlighted. Eric Karjaluoto is his name, and his must-read blog post is titled ‘Why your web startup will fail‘. Required reading for aspiring entrepreneurs!

Here’s the gist, summarized in 6 points:

- You won’t have an audience
- You’re going to run out of cash
- You’ll get frustrated
- The emotional rollercoaster will beat you
- You’ll get excited about something else
- But it won’t be because of the competition

Read the full thing here.

The best tribute ever?

Simply outstanding.