Sigh. Just when we thought the city was safe from the menace called Suresh Kalmadi, he’s free to prowl Pune again. What can you say? It had to happen. In a country with such lax anti-corruption laws, people like him were bound to be set free to continue their plunder.

And with civic elections around the corner in Pune, he will once again have a shot at power. Most distressing.

Surely, he must have been plotting for the elections sitting in Tihar. The only positive would be that he won’t have much chance to do publicity given that the code of conduct is now in force. Of course, he, like Ajit Pawar is above the law so let’s not rule it out totally! Never mind how upset some people may be!

Sadness looms…

• Yuvraj Singh ($1.8m)
• Graeme Smith ($500,000)
• Robin Uthappa ($2.1m)
• Tim Paine ($270,000)
• Angelo Mathews ($950,000)
• Ashish Nehra ($850,000)
• Nathan McCullum ($100,000)
• Callum Fergusson ($300,000)

See complete list of auction here.

The collection is a good one and offers the team great variety. Of course, there’s more players needed before the whole team takes shape, but this core looks good. With only 4 foreign players allowed to play each match, it’s almost certain that Graeme Smith, Nathan McCullum, Angelo Mathews, Fergusson or Paine will take the field. The possibility of Paine playing is higher given he keeps wickets while Mathews, McCullum and Fergusson would be rotated.

The team spent a total of $6.87m with another $2.13m available for Sunday’s auction. The team’s balance is tilted to the batting right now and the focus will be on bowlers on Sunday. But the start is a good one. It’s possible that the team management would be looking at Yuvraj for the captaincy, but with Smith in the team, it’s a better idea to have him captain the side. He’s experienced and used to the role.

The traffic police will be imposing fines for not wearing helmets. Ok, good. But here’s the kicker:

But the fines would be imposed only if the two-wheeler riders violate traffic rules like jumping signals or lane cutting. For example, if a two-wheeler rider without a helmet jumps a traffic signal, the police would penalise him for jumping the signal and for not wearing a helmet.

Say what? Does that also mean there won’t be a fine if I jump a signal with a helmet?

Only in Pune, I say!

Jokes apart, though, it is always painful to see the city use water in a callous manner. We often see tankers on the roads transporting water while they spill most of it en route. Every area and locality will have their share of water wasters. This current shortage cannot be attributed solely to the administration. It is of our own doing as well.

It helps to realize that the authorities are as helpless about lack of rain as the common man is. It is pointless going to the met department as asking why their predictions went wrong. Using water based on weather forecasts is like spending money assuming you’ll earn it. If the predictions are wrong, you’re in a world of trouble! And that’s just what has happened. While the blame is currently being laid squarely on the powers that (are supposed to) run the city, citizens would do well to introspect and still mend their ways. This is not the first water shortage this decade either. It seems we refuse to learn.

For the part of the administration, one wonders why we make provisions for water only till July 15 every year. Is it assumed that there sill be enough rain every year by then to take care of the next year? For the last three years, Pune has ‘almost’ been in this situation. Yet we didn’t learn. And this year, the situation has come pass. So what now? It may still rain enough in the next two months to make up for the lack of water and give us enough water. Till next July 15. And then what?

As a city, Pune needs better facilities and infrastructure. That doesn’t merely confine itself to roads and power and bus stops and non-functional BRTS plans. Water must be part of that. And the authorities and citizens need to start planning for this today. Not after this crisis is past us.

Till then, I wonder how the city will survive on one bath every alternate day. That stinks!

In the “Kheema in Eggs” one, is there more Kheema or more eggs? The waiter at the restaurant answered, “One way or another, it’s the same thing!”

So there.

We ordered. Was great.

Also seen at the restaurant, a signboard declaring:

Don’t sit here without any work.

Do not comb or brush your hair. It may fly into other people’s food.

Both the instructions were on the same paper stuck between papers announcing Malai Kulfi for Rs 18 and other desserts on the menu (namely Caramel Custard, Caramel Pudding, Bread Pudding and Fruit Funny). We don’t think there’s any connection between the two instruction, but there could be. See, someone sitting without work is more liable to comb and/or brush hair thereby sending it into other people’s food. These old-time restaurants have it all figured out, I say.

Jus sayin’!

Speaking of desserts, we also asked the waiter the difference between Caramel Custard and Caramel Pudding.

He said, “Custard is made with powder and pudding with eggs.” He then proceeded to point at a neighbouring table where he had just delivered the goods.

We said, “…”

“Well?”, said he.

“Ok bring us the pudding,” said we!

Much joy came with the pudding – caramel and bread!

The logo of the team too is pretty nice and does reflect all it needs to. What remains to be seen yet are the colors of the team. There’s enough red and blue in the IPL already. Only Chennai (yellow) and KKR (black and now purple) are different. So how about orange?

Speaking of the SPW (now that’ll take time getting used to), the new stadium in Pune seems rather impressive. Take a look at the proposed stadium… and the walkthrough.

Finally, Pune seems to be looking and behaving international. Or are we being too optimistic too soon?

Stadium link and video courtesy Amit Paranjape’s Blog.

So last weekend, I had a minor run-in (of the verbal sorts) with one such free-willed driver. While planning, attempting and then being halfway through the U-turn, the following ensued:

As I flicked on the indicator and initiated the right turn, I realized that I wasn’t going to make the turn unless I started a tad wider. So I made the minor adjustment and then proceeded to turn. In the meantime, an enterprising driver decided he should go ahead from my right (while I turned). Upon suddenly finding my car blocking his way, he became angry. Rightfully so. Who would want their progress stalled suddenly by a car across the road. He proceeded to reprimand me for my callous ways…

Driver: Kidhar jaata hai?

Me: Right ko.

Driver: Haath to dikhao…

Me: Indicator on hai…

Driver: Indicator on hai to kahi bhi turn lega?

Me: Right ka indicator hai, right turn hai, main right turn le raha hoo… problem kya hai?

Driver: Gaali kyon diya?

Me: …

Driver: Kidhar bhi turn karega kya?

Me: …

Driver: Right turn lena hai to haath dikhao.

Me: Indicator chalu hai boss.

Driver: Indicator ke do matlab hote hai. Yaa to tum right le rahe ho, ya mujhe aage jane ko bol rahe ho. Tum mujhe aage jaane bol rahe the…

Me: … … …

Driver: Vroom

Me: … !!!???

This is a real life story. No fiction. Really.

The BCCI probably doesn’t want Pune to have an IPL team. That’s why they postponed the bidding process due on Sunday (March 7). That’s what I would infer if the insightful thoughts part for the postponement of the bidding was up to me!

But it does help that for whatever reason, the BCCI has taken a reality check and is scaling back on its monetary demands. In other words, someone has told them to open their mouths a bit less!

Coming back to my original argument, it wouldn’t make sense for the BCCI to have two teams from cities just three hours apart. Having said that, Delhi and Punjab (KXIP, based in Mohali) are no different. So a franchise from Pune with the Mumbai Indians already present would perhaps dilute the Mumbai Indians’ fan base. Didn’t happen with Delhi/KXIP and don’t think would’ve happened with Pune/Mumbai.

What does amaze me is that there is enough money to invest in this ($100 million guarantee etc) as confirmed by Atul Chordia of the Panchsheel Group:

"The reason given was that they unilaterally cancelled the bids," Atul Chordia, chairman and chief executive of the Panchshil Group, said. "It is not the question of happiness about the previous terms. Whatever terms and conditions were there we abided by it, whatever the tender form asked for we gave it, we tendered. We gave the 100 million dollar bank guarantee."

Whether or not Modi & Co. feel there is need for a Pune team, here are some arguments for it:

1. There is only one team from West India (North has 3 with Delhi, Punjab and Rajasthan; South has three with Deccan, Bangalore and Chennai).
2. Pune is not Mumbai. It is not Navi Mumbai or Thane either. It is a whole other city. That is big enough to have its own IPL team. Serious.
3. There are cricket fans in Pune. Although the lack of a ground may prevent us from proving this, we are ready to assemble eight times in two months at one ground to cheer our team. Promise.

While the BCCI and Modi mull over these compelling arguments, one has started to wonder what the name of this team could be… some thoughts:

1. Puneri Peshwas: The flip side of this is if the Peshwa style of thinking and working came about, this team would fare worse than the KKR!
2. Pune Marathas: This would be an invitation to large scale caste discussions. I hope not, but unfortunately there are enough disruptive elements around who would try to cash in on the fact that it is not only the Marathas who live in Pune (and the regions it would represent).
3. Pune Pilots/Penguins/Parrots/Pensioners: Unfortunately, it could be some such alliterative nonsense that the city is saddled with. My imagination in all its limited ability could only come up with this. It is also unfortunate that Pune Pensioners for some reason, sounds like a good name for this team. Bah.
4. Pune Chhatrapatis: Hey, if there can be two teams that are Kings (Super Kings, KXIP) and two Royals (RCB and RR), there can be a vernacular King as well.

As mentioned, my limited imagination stops me there. As does my ever-increasing fear of having a team that has some ridiculous name and even more ridiculous punchline etc. But hey, KKR is living with it, so can we. Chin up.

The Glam factor: This is critical for any IPL team. KKR, KXIP, RR, RCB, MI definitely have it. DC, DD and CSK definitely don’t. If Pune does get their team with the announced consortium (Saif Ali Khan, Kareena Kapoor and Karisma Kapoor and corporates), we will certainly have it. Much more than the others! Also, we can count on local bigwigs to turn up in all their vociferous and 010 glory (the 9-yard saree) to the games. Be sure to spot Atul Kulkarni, Sonali Kulkarni, a bunch of Firodias, Poonawallas, Kalmadis and the usual smattering of the P3P (Page 3 People). Hm. Come to think of it, that does bring down the glam quotient a notch, but we’re sure the Khan and Kapoors will come with their coterie/entourage to keep up the glam.

The Icon Players: With Pune hardly having any big name cricketers of note, we would have to look beyond our shores mountains plains railway tracks to find someone to ‘iconize’. I say bring in the foreigners, but only from southern hemisphere countries. We don’t want the whole “Northern fellow” issue being raked by the SS and MNS. I also propose that Hrishikesh Kanitkar come out of retirement and be involved with the team in a non-playing captain capacity. He has the brains, he has the experience, just never got the exposure. I also propose that we make Greg Chappel our coach. He is the only one who could keep the Peshwas awake, I daresay.

Schedule: One strong argument in favour of Pune having its team is that it will ensure the best possible lifestyle for players, fans and viewers on TV. Historically, Pune as a city has slept (siesta is too mild a word) from 1pm to 4pm. Phone callers during this time are routinely abused with unkind references to their mothers, fathers, sisters or all of them together. So a match in Pune may not start before 5pm. That is when Chitale Bandhu, Hindustan Bakery and Kayani Bakery will be definitely open for the fans to buy their bakarwadi, mawa cake and or wafers and head over to the ground (wherever that be). This timing would also ensure that teams playing in Pune get that extra hour to reach here. They will need it since there aren’t that many flights coming to Pune. And if they try to be smart by taking the bus from Mumbai, they will only have to suffer at Lonavala and also Vashi toll naka.

Facilities: One unfortunate fact of life would be that the team would invariably practice either at the Poona Club ground or at the Deccan Gymkhana ground – the only two venues in the city with grass on them. In the first case, they would live at the Blue Diamond or at Le Meridien. The Sun ‘n Sand is just too passé now. In the second case, the choices are limited. The Oakwood, Deccan Rendezvous, The Ambassador, The Coronet, The Pride, The Gordon House Hotel and The Orbett are a walk or a jog away, but may not be available at all times. The team owners/management would do well to have rooms on standby at Shreyas, Raj Lodge, Rajhans and even Ashish Plaza just in case an important politician from Baramati were to drop in and book all rooms available just to keep miscreants guessing where he is staying. Of course, the new hotels at Hinjewadi are an option, but I believe the lack of entertainment options would keep teams away from there. I mean, you can go to Mezza9 only so many times! If nothing works, Pune offers some of the most competitive rates on cot-basis sharing accommodation. Available in abundance around Deccan and Camp.

To sum up, Pune does deserve an IPL team. We are woefully short of good-looking people to cheer for on posters around the city. It would help to look up and for once, not see politicians celebrating their birthdays. It would be worth having merchandise that says “Pune *****”. It would be good to be at a stadium where we can whip Mumbai’s Kolkata’s a** for the world to see which is the better city.

And most importantly, we need the attention. The city needs roads. History has taught the Punekar that roads in Pune are built only when a major event is coming to town. So please, give us a cricket team.

P.S.: Please disregard the above if it offends you. It is a feeble attempt at humor. Don’t come after me with bats, stumps, cricket balls or plastic bottles. If you do like it, send me money. I also want to be part of the ‘consortium’ bidding for the team. Then we can make sure the team is NOT called Pune Pensioners.

Nagpur, on the other hand, gets four games. Including some big tickets ones including AUS v NZ and IND v SA  in addition to two smaller games. So where does that leave Pune?

The MCA has done nothing of note to build a stadium worthy of international games in the city. Even recent Ranji Trophy matches have taken place at the Poona Club ground or at the Deccan Gymkhana ground neither of which have seating.

It’s pitiable, but a reflection of what the city is doing to itself. While definitely lacking in basic infrastructure, it is certainly better in support infrastructure (hotels, restaurants etc) than Nagpur. But the basic missing link – a ground – has yet again cost the city.

As Mr Kalmadi, our esteemed MP continues to bungle the CWG2010, the city reels. Sure, building a ground is not his job, but he does have a finger in every pie in the city’s development. Or the lack of it.

Much has been said about this, and it is really pointless crying over this. We will perhaps need to plan to catch the games in Mumbai (the Final is there) or Nagpur. Or maybe Bangalore or Ahmedabad… all accessible. Of course, none closer than a ground in the city, but one can’t live on pipe dreams, now, can one?

But there is hope yet. Some solutions can go a long way in “curbing the overenthusiasm” on Pune’s roads. Suggestions:

1. Place spikes (big enough to puncture bus tyres too) at the STOP line that come up when the light turns yellow and go down only when it turns green. This will not only control speed, but also stop that irritating habit some have of standing across the line or zooming through before the traffic light has turned green. Or worse, after it’s turned red!
2. Create separate routes for buses and trucks. Ideally, don’t allow trucks into the city from 8am to 10pm. That’ll ease the roads.
3. Allow citizen policing. That is, if I see someone breaking the law, I can report them. Or beat them up. Maybe just report them!
4. Refuse taxi licenses. Outright. Bas.
5. Give drivers authority to run someone over (pedestrian or driver) if they are breaking the law. Serious. Else, we’ll only amplify this state of chaos we call traffic.
6. Build better and bigger roads. I know, I’m clutching to straws here, but hey, I can wish right? Thoda aur wish karo!

Sure, none of the above is going to happen. And I may just have to heed to Alok’s advise about finding Zen in Pune traffic. The trouble here, though, is that if I smirk or giggle at someone, that’s good enough to start a fight! So I have to just stare at them. It’s a never-ending game of “who blinks first”. And normally, the flow of traffic decides the winner!