Herd mentality? Or pure stupidity? Why would anyone like a bomb blast headline? Or are we just compelled to click anything on Facebook?

Further to my previous post lauding your efforts, I now present proof to the naysayers about why you are right. It is absolutely essential we clamp down on these social networks that are increasingly getting to be a nuisance.

What right does any citizen have to clean up their city? Have they spoken to Mr Sibal for his approval yet? It is ridiculous to think that the Almighty, Mr Sibal, would not be notified of such deeds:

The Ugly Indians seem to be Bangalore’s answer to the Anna movement. But rather than pointing out all that is wrong with the system, the low-key group members are going about, simply showing how things can be righted. There is no finger-pointing, period. Instead of cribbing about the filth and blaming the lower-rung civil staff, the Ugly Indian has been busy “Spotfixing” in Bangalore. Self-funded volunteers who aggregate through the group’s website, email and Facebook page, descend on a particularly neglected (read, filthy) corner of the city where they each proceed to plough in and mend the spot.

And then, of course, there are people like @thecomicproject to whom nothing is sacred. It’s sacrilegious to even think of doing such things as below. This fellow, sir, Mr Sibal, deserves your wrath. A legal notice should suffice for now, though. (If you notice, sir, this comic fellow has a page on Facebook with over 1,200 followers. Imagine the havoc they could wreak after such provocation. Tsk.)

There is plenty of other rubbish being said about your Legalness on the Internet. Please know that I, your most humble servant, is bringing all this to you. I insist that you punish these lost souls through so many legal cases in obscure jurisdictions that they won’t even have Internet access to crib. That’ll show them. Heh!

Just some other people I think your Lordship should look to legally crush and curse:

Sudhir Tailang. What a trouble-maker. Who told him he could view his opinions?

And then there’s places like these. Sir, I bring you what is called a forum. Please don’t dirty your pious feet (or hands) by venturing into such subterranean places. I, your humble servant, shall do that digging for you.

Lastly, sir, there is this one image which I think will make you happy. We should, however, insist that the makers change the photo of the person to reflect your magnificent mug serene and peaceful face. It is only but natural that your all-pervading presence be incorporated by such lowlife companies as Google and Facebook.

Some smart-ass did this as a joke. But we will show them that the joke is on them. Won’t we sir? We will bring the above as a law. I suggest (or is praying better?) that the present situation in Parliament be used to ensure passage of a law that brings users of wallowing social network pits the above. Please, sir, please.

Yours humbly in service,

Aditya Kuber

So before I did anything stupid, I thought I’d check with you if I’m allowed to:

• Comment on the government’s recent FDI plans. I think the government as a whole could be personified and therefore my comments about FDI could, by transitivity, be implied to be about an individual and get me into trouble. In you all-knowing legalese, please advise.
• Comment on you recent stand about the proposed restrictions on social networks. After all, anything I say/write could be implied to be a direct comment on your almightiness. And I don’t, under any circumstances, want to incur your wrath, O Lordship.
• Comment on cinema, media, advertising, etc. Although I work in the field of communication, I am no longer sure what would be deemed appropriate by your Big Brotherness and would not, like before, want to incur your wrath and force you to further clamp down post my insignificant rants.
• Question Inquire with you about your thoughts for the protection of the individual on social media or through the media in general that is compelling you to gag the world so. Of course, I agree with your thoughts at all times for you are, of course, THE greatest legal mind in the country and have never uttered a word against anyone or ever been slanderous. Of course, being slanderous or libellous is not an option for a common man like myself for I do not possess your all-knowing legalese to defend myself. (Nor the money, but that’s besides the point here).

I request you to kindly enlighten me on the above. After all, I do see this as the future way we can publish our thoughts on public fora. You will need to approve all our thoughts.

I did have another point to laud your efforts, but please do not hesitate to chide me on my childishness if that is what the query seems like… Being in the public eye, the politician is subjected to criticism or ridicule across most democracies. They take it on the chin and the public feels like they have had their say. Of course, these democracies are run by Western idiots with no morals and whose public don’t need any saving. Thankfully we have you. After the scores of local moral police who have saved the country over the last few years, you sir, are a godsend to deliver us from the wallowing pit that is the social network. I must thank my luck to be alive in such free and revolutionary times.

May God (i.e., you) save India. Good luck, sir.

This email with sent to you because you have a publically listed email address and having looked at information available about your interests, we decided you might be interested in our newsletter. If this is not the case, please excuse the interruption to your day and let us know that you would prefer not to receive our newsletter in the future.

I don’t think the above notice absolves them of their wrongdoing – SPAM! And what the hell is a publicly listed email ID? Is there a directory that’s publicly accessible? Can I see it?

And, yes, dear metaplume.com, I don’t want to say “Please unsubscribe me” in my unsubscribe mail (seriously, no one-click unsub?). I want to use much harsher language. Words starting with f and m and the likes you probably didn’t know exist. Because you made me rant.

I run a digital agency. We send mailers on behalf of clients and for ourselves. We painstakingly maintain a subscriber list and guard it with our lives. We’ve had offers where one client wanted to send to another’s list. We refuse. All subscribers on all our lists are opt-in. This choice is given to them at the time of registration. Or they can opt-in later.

In the above case, I don’t even know what metaplume.com is (I did subsequently check it out and looks like an SEO farm of articles). Sounds like a polluting company. So far, they’ve lived up to their name on the Internet. Not cool.

Of course, I’m referring to the Madhuri Dixit page recommendation based on the fact that “Many who like Pu La Deshpande like this”. Yes, I like PL, but I don’t want to be a fan of MD.

The Office and Seinfeld, on the other hand, seem like a good fit!

Without getting into details (believe me, I can!), let me just say that stay away from these guys. I was committed a “Wi-Bro” connection for the 20 computers at office. So a tech guy came over on Saturday and installed it. On Monday, when we installed their dialler on all the machines, they wouldn’t log on.

Inquiries with the rather helpless customer care revealed that the router can only connect to 5 machines at a time. Well.

Then the usual routine of me calling up all and sundry I had been in touch with happened. A total of 4 hours was spent talking on the phone. As the situation stands right now, there is still no resolution. Only 5 computers are connected and the others are mere spectators. Computers and people.

At the time of installation, the engineer connected my computer and promptly proceeded to show off the speed of the connection. He launched the built-in speed test from the dialler. An astonishing speed of 818kbps was delivered. So I decided to crosscheck. And logged on (with him bearing witness) to speedtest.net. And an astonishing speed of 315kbps was delivered. Well, well.

He immediately proceeded to disrepute the service claiming it was unverified and that he didn’t know where their servers were. And insisted that the speed was 818kbps! Hm.

As it stands right now (about 6.45pm on Monday), I am on the verge of disconnection. Awaiting revert from Airtel, Tata and others. Soon. I shall have broadband. Again.

Makes me want to shout, really.

So can you please copy all your money and send it over, please?

Thanks.

Facebook Apps -- the stupidest?

If you are really my friend, you will confirm this after I’m gone. Now there’s two good wishes in that!

Friend requests on Facebook, LinkedIn, Orkut (which I visit about once a month now) and other such sites are starting to go the SPAM way. With about two new request at least every day, I would have felt happy had some long lost friends found me or a good business opportunity arisen. But as Rajesh points out, there is a place and a time for everything. Thanks to the Internet, time doesn’t matter, but place still does.

So for those who know this blog and the corresponding social networking IDs, Facebook is for personal friends and LinkedIn is for ‘work’ friends. I am not averse to mixing the two but only after I’m comfortable about having someone from one in the other. Of course, requests for introductions etc wherever possible are still welcome.

And while I’m on the subject, this one goes out to all my friends: don’t send me invites to Facebook stuff (especially the Li’l Green Patch!). I ain’t signing up!

Apologies if that sounded harsh…

Dev Patel and Anil Kapoor in a still from Slumdog Millionaire

So everyone, their uncle and his dog have had something to say about Slumdog Millionaire (SM). And not without reason. It is by far the most globally acclaimed Indian-subject film in a long time. And I say Indian subject since contrary to others’ views, I do not believe that SM is an Indian film at all. However, I do believe that with the amount of Indians involved, it is not unusual to feel the excessive affinity that we are currently experiencing.

I haven’t seen the movie yet. I will rush to the preview show tomorrow night if I can get the tickets. But I have been watching some rushes and trailers and I cannot understand what the brouhaha is all about. Especially this dude — some Nirpal Dhaliwal (hu?) — who seems to insist that no Indian could have made a film like SM. Obviously he hasn’t seen Salaam Bombay or the likes as Gaurav rightly points out. What’s he on? And who’s he?

I can even understand Nirpal man’s angst against Bollywood but why take the personal potshots:

Bachchan is no doubt riled, as many other Bollwood no-talents will be, about the fact that the best film to be made about India in recent times has been made by a white man, Danny Boyle.

Add to this another wannabe pseudo-intellectual piece of work in Pune Mirror and you are left scratching your head. Sample this:

…next time first-worlders talk about India, they are going to talk about Slumdog Millionaire. And the first syllable they mouth while talking about our country will be ‘slum’. 

Er, no. It’ll probably be Satyam!

Anyways, to each his own. There are some reviews that do matter to me, though. And these at present offer a conflicting impression. Greatbong doesn’t like it:

I did not like “Slumdog Millionaire”. Or perhaps I should say I was not at all impressed.  Maybe it was all the hype, the Oscar buzz and the “It is soooo awesome” first-person accounts I have heard over the last few weeks that led me to go into the theater with unrealistic expectations

But WOGMA endorses it: 

In a unique setup the movie is so close to real life and at the same time takes you on a fantasy flight.

From what I’ve seen and heard of the movie so far, the music is stunning. Redundant statement, yes, but I just had to say that! And I may actually by a CD after years! I’ll of course share my opinion once I’ve seen the movie tomorrow. It can’t be worse than CC2C or RNBDJ!